Listening is important because..
 Getty Images What are the characteristics of a really good listener? originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights. Answer by Dakota Lim, Entrepreneur and Optimal Health Researcher, on Quora: The characteristics of a really good listener will depend on which type of listening the listener is engaged in. There are 3 distinct kinds of listening: #1) Active listening All of these types of listening call for the use of different, highly specific skill sets. If a listener is not aware of the different skill sets, then trouble will be the outcome. A really good listener will be highly cognizant of the distinct skill sets needed for each type of listening and will be able to use the appropriate skill set. There will be clarity and effectiveness as a result. Active Listening Active listening is valuable in situations where the listener is called upon to be present mentally, emotionally, and physically. It is a situation where the listener is being asked for advice, or for help, clarity, or information. A really good listener knows the most valuable skill the listener must have when actively listening is the ability to ask questions to make sure the listener correctly understands what the person speaking is saying. It is not helpful to sit still and just listen. Why not? Because the listener understands there is a possibility that what was heard may not be what the person said or meant to say. But by asking a question to check if what was heard is what the speaker meant to say, then that is truly listening. Misunderstandings and misinterpretations are corrected by asking questions. The speaker will feel the listener is actively engaged in wanting to understand them. Often, people ask for time to talk when they need information, or need help, or are in pain and need to talk to gain emotional support, or want feedback so they may gain clarity on a specific topic or situation. There are myriads of needs that people have that they are hoping to have met by talking. A really good listener knows that the needs of the speaker will vary and be different according to what the speaker needs or wants right now. By asking questions, the good listener will be able to know what present needs the speaker is hoping to have met by the listener. Active listening means to engage in a dialogue with the speaker to clarify what the speaker is asking from the listener. This does not mean the listener is obligated to meet whatever expectations the speaker has. That is why questions are important - the listener can choose to move to the next step or not. Only if the listener wants to, the next step (if the speaker has not voiced it while speaking), is for the listener to ask, "Is there anything you are asking me to do or say for you? If so, do you want to talk about that?" If the listener does not want to take that step, the listener can, and will, close the conversation without the offer. But, if the speaker asks for something, the listener can say, "Let's talk about that." This requires the really good listener to put into effect respecting the listener's, not the speaker's, personal boundaries. What about the situation where the speaker wants the listener to sit without saying anything and becomes annoyed when the listener asks questions? In that situation, understand clearly that the speaker is seeking a passive listener which is an entirely different role than an active listener. A really good listener will be highly aware of that difference. If a listener is not aware of the distinction, he or she will end up frustrated and confused, and the speaker may end up frustrated and angry. To understand why, see Passive Listening below. A really good active listener will listen to understand. This means they will listen to understand the speaker while paying attention and listening to themselves. The really good listener will respect what the listener is willing or not willing to do; how long the listener is willing to listen; and if the listener is willing to listen to the subject (the subject may be too personal and the listener may not want the speaker to later regret sharing such personal information); and the listener checks in internally to how the listener is feeling while listening to that person speaking. At any time when the listener begins to feel stressed, the listener will either discuss the discomfort with the speaker or end the conversation. So the questions the listener will be asking the speaker will be verbal. The questions the good listener will be asking one's self will be nonverbal. Asking questions is the foundation upon which active listening is built. Passive Listening Passive listening works in situations where the listener is serving in the specific role of being a receiver or container for the words the speaker is pouring out. On the outside, it looks as if the listener is merely nodding. But the listener is doing more than just nodding. The really good passive listener is serving as a receiver for the speaker's emotions, and hearing the speaker talk about needs. In this position, the listener is not being asked for help, or for advice, clarity, or information. Examples: The passive listener nods while listening (not speaking) to someone who needs: To talk themselves into finding solutions to a problem themselves. To have a person next to them who nods (the listener) while they talk on and on. To have attention by talking about whatever the person feels like talking about. To hear and pay attention to what the speaker is saying. To protect the passive listener's energy. To protect the passive listener's space of personal well-being. To release the negative emotions the speaker will be releasing such as stress, worries, anxieties, problems, hurt, anger, rage, disappointment, grief, longing - the list is long. The knowledge of how to set up the space or situation where the passive listener will be in the role of passive listener safely. Some of the ways the good passive listener protects personal energy and well-being is by nodding when listening to what the speaker is saying; and soon after each nod to release, let go of everything that the passive listener has heard up to the point of that nod. That "hearing field" is cleared right away. Then the passive listener listens fresh. The clearing is done after each nod again and again. The passive listener is constantly clearing out what the speaker has unloaded - anger, stress, grief, disappointment, deep pain, confusion, whatever emotions are being unloaded at that moment. If the "hearing field" is not constantly cleared, the energy and information the speaker has sent to the listener by talking will negatively impact on the listener and the listener will lose energy, become stressed or sad, and feel burdened; and what could happen is the listener's personal boundaries may be lost. The possibility of that happening is high. The good passive listener knows the importance of protecting personal energy space. This is done by asking the speaker to agree to a set amount of time - a limit - to the number of minutes the speaker can talk uninterrupted - 5 to 20 minutes. No more. Both the listener and speaker can ask for an extension of time, but it is the listener's right to refuse, or to agree to an extension. Both speaker and listener must agree to the number of times, and when, the listener will be willing to serve in the role of passive listener. If the speaker wants to have the passive listener's ear more than once a week for, say as an example, a month or more, the good passive listener will make it known that there will be a switch to the role of active listener, where the skills and rules are different. The good passive listener will not remain in the role of passive listener on an ongoing basis. There is danger in remaining in the role of passive listener on an ongoing basis. The personal relationship or friendship will disintegrate. Why? The speaker will feel great after every talk time much like a person would feel after sex or having fun with friends, or being excused from all responsibilities - after all, it is a heady feeling to be heard with full attention. That feeling is so pleasurable the speaker will want more and more of it; and will not be aware of the emotional toll it is taking on the passive listener. Soon, the speaker will come to expect the listener to be available in that position. That expectation may quickly escalate to the feeling of entitlement and then lead to disappointment and anger if the listener does not agree to be in that role on an ongoing basis. So, the good passive listener will set the limit early. What happens if a speaker wants to continue talking but then asks for advice, information, or help? The wise passive listener will refuse further discussion. Why? The passive listener released all the information and emotions the speaker sent with each nod. The passive listener no longer has the information needed to serve in the role of active listener which is gathering information and gaining understanding to be able to give advice, help, clarity, or information. Before entering into a situation of listening, the really good passive listener will clearly know roles. Will it be as an active listener, or as a passive listener? If a person wants advice, information, help, or clarity, then the really good listener will refuse to be in the passive listening role and will take the position of the active listening role. Deep Passive Listening This is the deep listening done for someone very close who is terminally ill, or for someone who has lost a loved one through an early death (suicide, illness, accident), or for someone who has lost a loved one through divorce, or an event beyond anyone's control. Empathy, actions, and comforting words are essential skills of deep passive listening. The really good deep passive listener will be there physically and will use touch to comfort (holding hands, an arm around the shoulder, etc.). Actions will be taken, for example: washing the bed sheets for someone who has cancer, running errands, doing chores -- these actions are all part of deep passive listening. The focus will be to use words to comfort in many ways; and to be calmly present to soothe the fears of someone precious. Time will be given as generously as the listener's heart wants to give. There will be no time limit set, and no limit to the number of times made available to the loved one. Giving deep passive listening means to take care of one's emotional self such as the emotion of grief as the listener empathizes with this beloved person. The deep passive listener will never ever blame himself or herself for not being able to do enough. This means that deep passive listening entails dealing with one's own powerful emotions -- grief, confusion, feelings of helplessness, feelings of inadequacy -- and showing compassion and empathy for one's self while going through these powerful emotions. The really good deep passive listener will use the skills of self-talk and say, "I am making a difference by helping someone I love feel comforted. I am expressing my love and they know it." And, "What I am doing is giving my best and it is enough. I am enough. My love for that person shows." And, "I am grateful to myself for being brave." And, "I am grateful to myself for being strong for someone who so desperately needs my strength at this time." And, "I love you." The really good deep passive listener will take the action of taking care of the physical self. Eating well, getting good sleep. Resting and relaxing. Time for self should not be skimped. The really good deep passive listener does this to be strong for the loved one. Stress of the day is released before going to bed. Deep breaths are taken in the quiet of the night, and then stress is released with each out breath by saying, "I release my worries and all stress so I may maintain my health for the good of myself and for those I love." Exercises to release stress are done: stand up, bend over, and while the top of the head is facing the floor, massage the scalp. It will feel good. The exercise of massaging the scalp says, "I love you, I am worthwhile, I count, I release all stress and worries." Another exercise to release stress is to stand up and massage the shoulders and the back of the neck. There will be tension there. So keep massaging until the tension is released. The tension can be relieved by saying, "I release my stress and worries so I may maintain my health for the good of myself and for those I love." The deep passive listener will feel lighter and ready for sleep, and will go to bed feeling loved, worthwhile, and strong for the "self" and for loved ones. The really good listener will deploy skills that express understanding and love. These are the deepest skills that connects us all in our humanity. True listening is the finest form of art; the really good listener is an artist. This question originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights. 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Nov 25, 2015 Getty Images What are the characteristics of a really good listener? originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights. Answer by Dakota Lim, Entrepreneur and Optimal Health Researcher, on Quora: The characteristics of a really good listener will depend on which type of listening the listener is engaged in. There are 3 distinct kinds of listening: #1) Active listening All of these types of listening call for the use of different, highly specific skill sets. If a listener is not aware of the different skill sets, then trouble will be the outcome. A really good listener will be highly cognizant of the distinct skill sets needed for each type of listening and will be able to use the appropriate skill set. There will be clarity and effectiveness as a result. Active Listening Active listening is valuable in situations where the listener is called upon to be present mentally, emotionally, and physically. It is a situation where the listener is being asked for advice, or for help, clarity, or information. A really good listener knows the most valuable skill the listener must have when actively listening is the ability to ask questions to make sure the listener correctly understands what the person speaking is saying. It is not helpful to sit still and just listen. Why not? Because the listener understands there is a possibility that what was heard may not be what the person said or meant to say. But by asking a question to check if what was heard is what the speaker meant to say, then that is truly listening. Misunderstandings and misinterpretations are corrected by asking questions. The speaker will feel the listener is actively engaged in wanting to understand them. Often, people ask for time to talk when they need information, or need help, or are in pain and need to talk to gain emotional support, or want feedback so they may gain clarity on a specific topic or situation. There are myriads of needs that people have that they are hoping to have met by talking. A really good listener knows that the needs of the speaker will vary and be different according to what the speaker needs or wants right now. By asking questions, the good listener will be able to know what present needs the speaker is hoping to have met by the listener. Active listening means to engage in a dialogue with the speaker to clarify what the speaker is asking from the listener. This does not mean the listener is obligated to meet whatever expectations the speaker has. That is why questions are important - the listener can choose to move to the next step or not. Only if the listener wants to, the next step (if the speaker has not voiced it while speaking), is for the listener to ask, "Is there anything you are asking me to do or say for you? If so, do you want to talk about that?" If the listener does not want to take that step, the listener can, and will, close the conversation without the offer. But, if the speaker asks for something, the listener can say, "Let's talk about that." This requires the really good listener to put into effect respecting the listener's, not the speaker's, personal boundaries. What about the situation where the speaker wants the listener to sit without saying anything and becomes annoyed when the listener asks questions? In that situation, understand clearly that the speaker is seeking a passive listener which is an entirely different role than an active listener. A really good listener will be highly aware of that difference. If a listener is not aware of the distinction, he or she will end up frustrated and confused, and the speaker may end up frustrated and angry. To understand why, see Passive Listening below. A really good active listener will listen to understand. This means they will listen to understand the speaker while paying attention and listening to themselves. The really good listener will respect what the listener is willing or not willing to do; how long the listener is willing to listen; and if the listener is willing to listen to the subject (the subject may be too personal and the listener may not want the speaker to later regret sharing such personal information); and the listener checks in internally to how the listener is feeling while listening to that person speaking. At any time when the listener begins to feel stressed, the listener will either discuss the discomfort with the speaker or end the conversation. So the questions the listener will be asking the speaker will be verbal. The questions the good listener will be asking one's self will be nonverbal. Asking questions is the foundation upon which active listening is built. Passive Listening Passive listening works in situations where the listener is serving in the specific role of being a receiver or container for the words the speaker is pouring out. On the outside, it looks as if the listener is merely nodding. But the listener is doing more than just nodding. The really good passive listener is serving as a receiver for the speaker's emotions, and hearing the speaker talk about needs. In this position, the listener is not being asked for help, or for advice, clarity, or information. Examples: The passive listener nods while listening (not speaking) to someone who needs: To talk themselves into finding solutions to a problem themselves. To have a person next to them who nods (the listener) while they talk on and on. To have attention by talking about whatever the person feels like talking about. To hear and pay attention to what the speaker is saying. To protect the passive listener's energy. To protect the passive listener's space of personal well-being. To release the negative emotions the speaker will be releasing such as stress, worries, anxieties, problems, hurt, anger, rage, disappointment, grief, longing - the list is long. The knowledge of how to set up the space or situation where the passive listener will be in the role of passive listener safely. Some of the ways the good passive listener protects personal energy and well-being is by nodding when listening to what the speaker is saying; and soon after each nod to release, let go of everything that the passive listener has heard up to the point of that nod. That "hearing field" is cleared right away. Then the passive listener listens fresh. The clearing is done after each nod again and again. The passive listener is constantly clearing out what the speaker has unloaded - anger, stress, grief, disappointment, deep pain, confusion, whatever emotions are being unloaded at that moment. If the "hearing field" is not constantly cleared, the energy and information the speaker has sent to the listener by talking will negatively impact on the listener and the listener will lose energy, become stressed or sad, and feel burdened; and what could happen is the listener's personal boundaries may be lost. The possibility of that happening is high. The good passive listener knows the importance of protecting personal energy space. This is done by asking the speaker to agree to a set amount of time - a limit - to the number of minutes the speaker can talk uninterrupted - 5 to 20 minutes. No more. Both the listener and speaker can ask for an extension of time, but it is the listener's right to refuse, or to agree to an extension. Both speaker and listener must agree to the number of times, and when, the listener will be willing to serve in the role of passive listener. If the speaker wants to have the passive listener's ear more than once a week for, say as an example, a month or more, the good passive listener will make it known that there will be a switch to the role of active listener, where the skills and rules are different. The good passive listener will not remain in the role of passive listener on an ongoing basis. There is danger in remaining in the role of passive listener on an ongoing basis. The personal relationship or friendship will disintegrate. Why? The speaker will feel great after every talk time much like a person would feel after sex or having fun with friends, or being excused from all responsibilities - after all, it is a heady feeling to be heard with full attention. That feeling is so pleasurable the speaker will want more and more of it; and will not be aware of the emotional toll it is taking on the passive listener. Soon, the speaker will come to expect the listener to be available in that position. That expectation may quickly escalate to the feeling of entitlement and then lead to disappointment and anger if the listener does not agree to be in that role on an ongoing basis. So, the good passive listener will set the limit early. What happens if a speaker wants to continue talking but then asks for advice, information, or help? The wise passive listener will refuse further discussion. Why? The passive listener released all the information and emotions the speaker sent with each nod. The passive listener no longer has the information needed to serve in the role of active listener which is gathering information and gaining understanding to be able to give advice, help, clarity, or information. Before entering into a situation of listening, the really good passive listener will clearly know roles. Will it be as an active listener, or as a passive listener? If a person wants advice, information, help, or clarity, then the really good listener will refuse to be in the passive listening role and will take the position of the active listening role. Deep Passive Listening This is the deep listening done for someone very close who is terminally ill, or for someone who has lost a loved one through an early death (suicide, illness, accident), or for someone who has lost a loved one through divorce, or an event beyond anyone's control. Empathy, actions, and comforting words are essential skills of deep passive listening. The really good deep passive listener will be there physically and will use touch to comfort (holding hands, an arm around the shoulder, etc.). Actions will be taken, for example: washing the bed sheets for someone who has cancer, running errands, doing chores -- these actions are all part of deep passive listening. The focus will be to use words to comfort in many ways; and to be calmly present to soothe the fears of someone precious. Time will be given as generously as the listener's heart wants to give. There will be no time limit set, and no limit to the number of times made available to the loved one. Giving deep passive listening means to take care of one's emotional self such as the emotion of grief as the listener empathizes with this beloved person. The deep passive listener will never ever blame himself or herself for not being able to do enough. This means that deep passive listening entails dealing with one's own powerful emotions -- grief, confusion, feelings of helplessness, feelings of inadequacy -- and showing compassion and empathy for one's self while going through these powerful emotions. The really good deep passive listener will use the skills of self-talk and say, "I am making a difference by helping someone I love feel comforted. I am expressing my love and they know it." And, "What I am doing is giving my best and it is enough. I am enough. My love for that person shows." And, "I am grateful to myself for being brave." And, "I am grateful to myself for being strong for someone who so desperately needs my strength at this time." And, "I love you." The really good deep passive listener will take the action of taking care of the physical self. Eating well, getting good sleep. Resting and relaxing. Time for self should not be skimped. The really good deep passive listener does this to be strong for the loved one. Stress of the day is released before going to bed. Deep breaths are taken in the quiet of the night, and then stress is released with each out breath by saying, "I release my worries and all stress so I may maintain my health for the good of myself and for those I love." Exercises to release stress are done: stand up, bend over, and while the top of the head is facing the floor, massage the scalp. It will feel good. The exercise of massaging the scalp says, "I love you, I am worthwhile, I count, I release all stress and worries." Another exercise to release stress is to stand up and massage the shoulders and the back of the neck. There will be tension there. So keep massaging until the tension is released. The tension can be relieved by saying, "I release my stress and worries so I may maintain my health for the good of myself and for those I love." The deep passive listener will feel lighter and ready for sleep, and will go to bed feeling loved, worthwhile, and strong for the "self" and for loved ones. The really good listener will deploy skills that express understanding and love. These are the deepest skills that connects us all in our humanity. True listening is the finest form of art; the really good listener is an artist. This question originally appeared on Quora - the knowledge sharing network where compelling questions are answered by people with unique insights. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. More questions:
Nov 25, 2015 10 Simple Habits That Will Make You More Likable Right AwayEnthusiasm is contagious.
By Quora Getty Images What are some social life hacks? originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. Answer by Andrew Ferebee, 7-figure entrepreneur, on Quora: Growing up, I was one of the shyest and most socially awkward people you'd ever meet. I didn't know how to hold eye contact. I didn't know how to hold a conversation. And I sure as heck didn't know how to get a beautiful woman to go on a date with me.Today it's a slightly different story. Today, I get to party with multimillionaires and celebrities like Ashton Kutcher, Lance Armstrong, Naveen Jain (billionaire founder of Moon Express), and even Matthew McConaughey (alright, alright, alright). I don't say this to brag. But rather to impress upon you that the tactics I'm about to share WORK. Being charismatic and socially adept is not a skill you are born with. It's not genetic. It's not something you are cursed with. It's a skill. And if you're willing to take the time to develop it, it's a skill that can (and will) change your life in every appreciable way. Here are a few tips to improve your social skills and become a social powerhouse. 1. Speak Less, Listen More This is the golden rule of social success. People don't really care about you.This might sound harsh, but it's true. People care, first and foremost, about themselves. This is simply human nature. If you want to unlock the hidden social genius that is inside of you, then you need to accept this fact and use it to your advantage. In any social situation, your goal should always be to do about 20% of the talking and 80% of the listening. Ask people genuine questions. Get to know them. Be genuinely curious about who they are and how they work. Sure, you can talk about yourself and share stories from your life, but this should only account for 20-30% of any given interaction. Instead, spend the majority of your time focused on the other person and I promise you will seem like the most likable and charismatic person in the room. If you're ever at a loss for words, remember this magic phrase... "So you said ... tell me moreabout that." 2. Learn How to Tell a Joke People love to laugh. If you can learn how to make them laugh you will instantly boost your social value and increase your likability. The best way that I've found to improve your sense of humor and tell better jokes is to watch hours and hours of stand up comedy. Guys and gals like
Are all hilarious individuals who will help you develop a vast repertoire of comedic material and learn how to tell and deliver a joke like a pro. 3. Enthusiasm Always Wins In any social situation, the most enthusiastic person always wins. Before you go into any social situation, I recommend that you take 10 minutes to get "In State" by listening to a song that motivates you and pumps you up and dance/jump around the room. This sounds silly, but it will help you develop the right energy to succeed in a social setting. Enthusiasm is contagious. When someone is excited and brings high levels of energy to the table, even the most mundane task can become an absolute joy. Enthusiasm always wins. So get some ... enthusiasm, that is. 4. Smile A smile goes a long way. Scientists have foundthat people who smile more are more attractive, healthier,and more likely to have strong social connections. So smile more. Watch lots of comedies. Listen to funny podcasts. Hang out with people who make you smile. The more you smile, the happier you will be, and the more attractive you will appear. So turn that frown upside down and smile baby smile! 5. Hold Eye Contact (But Don't Be Creepy) Eye contact is an important part of social success, but it's easy to overdo it. I recommend that you hold eye contact for 4-5 seconds before slowly breaking it away and then reengaging a few seconds later. Whenever you are holding eye contact it can be easier to look at a person's mouth, nose, or forehead since they can't actually tell the difference. Strong eye contact is a sign of confidence and it makes people take you more seriously and listen to what you have to say. It's alsoincredibly seductive. A man or woman who can hold great eye contact is a man or woman who is attractive to the opposite (or same) sex. 6. Speak Your Truth One of the sexiest things that you can do in any social situation is to speak your truth. This doesn't mean that you have a hall pass to simply be a jerk and berate people. It simply means that you can and should express your feelings in an appropriate way. If you want to do something, say it. If someone said something that was inappropriate and offensive to your group, call them out on it. If you think someone is cute, express it. If someone is getting on your last nerve, mention it. Don't hide behind dishonesty and half truths. Speak your truth and say what you mean. People won't always like it, but the right people will always respect it. 7. Use People's Names Your name is one of the most powerful words in your entire vocabulary. In fact, researchers have found that when you hear your name a completely different part of your brain activates than when you hear any other word. Use this to your advantage. Always try to use people's names in conversation. Drop their names casually and regularly without overdoing it. This is a simple subconscious hack that will make others like you more and make you seem more attractive. 8. Make Other People Look Good The biggest social hack that I know of is to make other people look good. People love to talk about themselves. But do you know what they like even more? When other people talk about them in a positive way. Anytime you are out with friends, always try to tell stories and jokes that make the other people in your social circle look good. Tell stories about times when your friends did something crazy, cool, or impressive. Go out of your way to make the people in your social circle feel special and it will pay dividends in your social success. 9. Give Genuine Compliments For whatever reason, our society seems to have lost the ability to give a genuine compliment. Men are scared that if they compliment a woman they will seem creepy or if they compliment another man they will seem "gay" (not that this should be considered an insult, but that's just how society is). But this is all bull. When you genuinely compliment someone, they will appreciate it. If they don't... Well, they probably weren't worth having in your social circle in the first place. Give genuine compliments on a regular basis and I promise you will see a massive increase in your social capital and charisma. 10. Present Yourself Well While I wish I could tell you that looks don't matter, I'd be lying to you. How you present yourself to the world MATTERS. People make split-second judgment based on your appearance and, even though this might not be fair, it's the reality that we live in. As such, it's important that you:
You don't have to be traditionally beautiful to be a social powerhouse. But youdoneed to put some effort into putting your best foot forward and presenting yourself well. This question originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. More questions:
May 14, 2018 Getty Images What are some social life hacks? originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. Answer by Andrew Ferebee, 7-figure entrepreneur, on Quora: Growing up, I was one of the shyest and most socially awkward people you'd ever meet. I didn't know how to hold eye contact. I didn't know how to hold a conversation. And I sure as heck didn't know how to get a beautiful woman to go on a date with me.Today it's a slightly different story. Today, I get to party with multimillionaires and celebrities like Ashton Kutcher, Lance Armstrong, Naveen Jain (billionaire founder of Moon Express), and even Matthew McConaughey (alright, alright, alright). I don't say this to brag. But rather to impress upon you that the tactics I'm about to share WORK. Being charismatic and socially adept is not a skill you are born with. It's not genetic. It's not something you are cursed with. It's a skill. And if you're willing to take the time to develop it, it's a skill that can (and will) change your life in every appreciable way. Here are a few tips to improve your social skills and become a social powerhouse. 1. Speak Less, Listen More This is the golden rule of social success. People don't really care about you.This might sound harsh, but it's true. People care, first and foremost, about themselves. This is simply human nature. If you want to unlock the hidden social genius that is inside of you, then you need to accept this fact and use it to your advantage. In any social situation, your goal should always be to do about 20% of the talking and 80% of the listening. Ask people genuine questions. Get to know them. Be genuinely curious about who they are and how they work. Sure, you can talk about yourself and share stories from your life, but this should only account for 20-30% of any given interaction. Instead, spend the majority of your time focused on the other person and I promise you will seem like the most likable and charismatic person in the room. If you're ever at a loss for words, remember this magic phrase... "So you said ... tell me moreabout that." 2. Learn How to Tell a Joke People love to laugh. If you can learn how to make them laugh you will instantly boost your social value and increase your likability. The best way that I've found to improve your sense of humor and tell better jokes is to watch hours and hours of stand up comedy. Guys and gals like
Are all hilarious individuals who will help you develop a vast repertoire of comedic material and learn how to tell and deliver a joke like a pro. 3. Enthusiasm Always Wins In any social situation, the most enthusiastic person always wins. Before you go into any social situation, I recommend that you take 10 minutes to get "In State" by listening to a song that motivates you and pumps you up and dance/jump around the room. This sounds silly, but it will help you develop the right energy to succeed in a social setting. Enthusiasm is contagious. When someone is excited and brings high levels of energy to the table, even the most mundane task can become an absolute joy. Enthusiasm always wins. So get some ... enthusiasm, that is. 4. Smile A smile goes a long way. Scientists have foundthat people who smile more are more attractive, healthier,and more likely to have strong social connections. So smile more. Watch lots of comedies. Listen to funny podcasts. Hang out with people who make you smile. The more you smile, the happier you will be, and the more attractive you will appear. So turn that frown upside down and smile baby smile! 5. Hold Eye Contact (But Don't Be Creepy) Eye contact is an important part of social success, but it's easy to overdo it. I recommend that you hold eye contact for 4-5 seconds before slowly breaking it away and then reengaging a few seconds later. Whenever you are holding eye contact it can be easier to look at a person's mouth, nose, or forehead since they can't actually tell the difference. Strong eye contact is a sign of confidence and it makes people take you more seriously and listen to what you have to say. It's alsoincredibly seductive. A man or woman who can hold great eye contact is a man or woman who is attractive to the opposite (or same) sex. 6. Speak Your Truth One of the sexiest things that you can do in any social situation is to speak your truth. This doesn't mean that you have a hall pass to simply be a jerk and berate people. It simply means that you can and should express your feelings in an appropriate way. If you want to do something, say it. If someone said something that was inappropriate and offensive to your group, call them out on it. If you think someone is cute, express it. If someone is getting on your last nerve, mention it. Don't hide behind dishonesty and half truths. Speak your truth and say what you mean. People won't always like it, but the right people will always respect it. 7. Use People's Names Your name is one of the most powerful words in your entire vocabulary. In fact, researchers have found that when you hear your name a completely different part of your brain activates than when you hear any other word. Use this to your advantage. Always try to use people's names in conversation. Drop their names casually and regularly without overdoing it. This is a simple subconscious hack that will make others like you more and make you seem more attractive. 8. Make Other People Look Good The biggest social hack that I know of is to make other people look good. People love to talk about themselves. But do you know what they like even more? When other people talk about them in a positive way. Anytime you are out with friends, always try to tell stories and jokes that make the other people in your social circle look good. Tell stories about times when your friends did something crazy, cool, or impressive. Go out of your way to make the people in your social circle feel special and it will pay dividends in your social success. 9. Give Genuine Compliments For whatever reason, our society seems to have lost the ability to give a genuine compliment. Men are scared that if they compliment a woman they will seem creepy or if they compliment another man they will seem "gay" (not that this should be considered an insult, but that's just how society is). But this is all bull. When you genuinely compliment someone, they will appreciate it. If they don't... Well, they probably weren't worth having in your social circle in the first place. Give genuine compliments on a regular basis and I promise you will see a massive increase in your social capital and charisma. 10. Present Yourself Well While I wish I could tell you that looks don't matter, I'd be lying to you. How you present yourself to the world MATTERS. People make split-second judgment based on your appearance and, even though this might not be fair, it's the reality that we live in. As such, it's important that you:
You don't have to be traditionally beautiful to be a social powerhouse. But youdoneed to put some effort into putting your best foot forward and presenting yourself well. This question originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. You can follow Quora on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. More questions:
May 14, 2018 1. It Helps Keep You SmartHere is some food for thought: avocados are filled with omega-3 fatty acids and natural vitamin E, which are both great for your brain. For instance, they improve the blood supply to your pre-frontal cortex, which is the part of your brain responsible for planning, decision making and critical thinking. 2. It Reduces CholesterolAvocado is filled with fats that are good for you, with one cup of sliced avocado providing you with 32% of your daily fat recommendation. The reason the fat is so good for you is because it is monounsaturated fat, which may help to lower bad cholesterol – which has lots of other benefits for your body, such as lowering risks of stroke and heart disease.[1] Advertising Another bonus of monounsaturated fats is that they may also raise levels of good cholesterol in your body. 3. It Helps You To Absorb Other NutrientsMany important vitamins are fat soluble, so they actually require fat to be absorbed into the body. These vitamins include vitamin A, K, D and E – so adding avocado to any vegetable heavy meals will help you to get all the vitamins you can out of the meal. 4. It Can Relive Symptoms Of ArthritisAvocados contain Polyhydroxylated Fatty Alcohols (PFAs), which is an anti-inflammatory agent that helps your body to reduce inflammation which can later lead to arthritis. Advertising Avocados also contain important antioxidants such as vitamin C and vitamin E that also help to fight inflammation, which may help to relive the symptoms of Arthritis. 5. It Helps Look After Your EyesAvocado contains lutein and zeaxanthin,[2] which are carotenoids that are essential to the overall health of your eyes, as they help to protect your eyes from harmful light waves while decreasing your risk of eye disease. Amazing! 6. It is Filled WithFiberAvocados are very high in fiber, with around 7% of its total weight made up by fiber. One avocado contains around 27% of your fiber for the day, which is great news as fiber is a big part of weight loss and your metabolic health. It can also reduce blood sugar spikes! Advertising 7. It Helps You To Lose WeightWant to lose a little weight? Buy some avocados; they contain monounsaturated fatty acids, which means they are likely to be stored as slow burning energy rather than fat. This mean you’ll feel satisfied and full after you’ve eaten avocado,[3] helping to keep your hunger at bay. 8. It Contains More Potassium Than A BananaPotassium is an important mineral most people don’t get enough of, but avocados will help. You can find 14% of your recommended daily amount of potassium in an avocado – much more than the 10% found in a banana. High potassium intake is linked to reduced blood pressure, lowering the risk of strokes, heart attacks and kidney failure. Advertising 9. It Is Beneficial During PregnancyIf you’re pregnant, try to stock up on avocados. Just one cup of avocado contains nearly 25% of your recommended dose of folate, which is essential for both you and your baby. 10. It Is Filled With NutrientsAvocados contain an amazing 20 vitamins and minerals – including a quarter of your daily vitamin C, which plays an essential role in growth and repair of your body tissues. On top of that, avocado is filled with B-6,[4] which helps your body to fight off infection and disease. If you want to get the most out of this superfood, don’t forget to read these related articles: Advertising
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You're not doing the tasks that count.Don't let stressful moments drag you down.Getty ImagesQuora user Lukas Schwekendiek suggests that success comes after hard work, but only if that hard work is done properly. He writes: "There are only ever a few tasks thatreallycount, with the rest of the thingssupportingthat core...In the same way, your business, relationships and finances are also not going to improve if you do not do the few tasks that matter!" He compares running a business like going to the gym — you can read everything there is to know about the gym and go once a week, or you can know almost nothing about fitness and spend two hours a day at the gym. Chances are, if you spend two hours a day there, you'll be healthier. You haven't failed enough.praetorianphoto/Getty ImagesAccording to Quora user Kane Harry, failure is a crucial step towards success. Anyone who hasn't succeeded probably hasn't failed enough. He writes: "While you sit there leisurely, others are challenging themselves with successive failures, learning new things. Because only when you fail can you get the lesson for yourself, like steel [that] has been beaten through the red fire, and you are able to cope with life full of sharper swords than you." By failing again and again, you'll sharpen your skills and your wits, leading you to make the right decisions the next time you're faced with a challenge. Nurturing our relationships during the coronavirus pandemic
Page last reviewed: 16 December2021 The Mental Health Foundation is part of the national mental health response during the coronavirus outbreak. Government advice designed to keep us safe is under constant review and will be different depending on where you live:more details and up to date information here. The pandemic continues to affectour lives, including our relationships with family, friends, colleagues and others. We may still feel wary about the risks of visiting or being visited by loved ones, visiting shops, gyms or cafes, or even leaving our homes. This may be especially true if we have a disability or long-term health condition that makes us more vulnerable to the effects of coronavirus. Losing face-to-face contact with people can feel stressful and may be worrying, frightening or even unbearable. Not getting enough contact can leave us feeling lonely and alone with our problems. At a time when we all face ongoing uncertainty about coronavirus, it’s worth trying to be extra patient and understanding with each other and ourselves. Many tips abouthow to maintain good relationshipsare as relevant and important now as before the pandemic. For instance, all five of the Mental Health Foundation’s top tips for nurturing healthy relationships can still make a big difference: Give time-put more time aside to connect with your friends and family. Be present-this means really paying attention to the other people in your life and trying not to be distracted by your phone or your work or other interests. Listen-really listen to what others are saying and try to understand it and to focus on their needs in that moment. Let yourself be listened to-honestly share how you are feeling, and allow yourself to be heard and supported by others. Recognise unhealthy relationships-harmful relationships can make us unhappy. Recognising this can help us to move forward and find solutions. During this strange and difficult time, it’s also worth considering additional ways to protect our relationships and try to cope a bit better with some of the relationship problems the virus creates. What is Quora?Quora is a Q&A community where questions are asked and answered in the form of opinions. That is why 300 million people love visiting it to read everyone'sopinions.I try to find answers on Quora instead of Google because it gives an emotional touch to answers. Above, you can see people are looking for answers on Quora to help someone with depression. Quora provides fantastic answers from experts around the world on any topic. For every question like this,there are hundreds of answers from real people who have gone through depression themselves, like Matthew Russel. Why Should You Use Quora?Quora provides tremendous opportunities for people and businesses to get traffic just by answering questions. The first reason is apparent: Quora is the fastest growing site and has surpassed 600 million visits a month. Don't believe me? Here you can see traffic statisticswith Traffic Analytics. The best part? Search is a major source of visitors. It means more than 50 percent of users come from search engines to visit Quora. Unlike Facebook, where search counts for only 13% of traffic. I am sure those 13% of users are askingquestions like “How to Delete a Facebook Account” on Google. Here are some of the powerful reasons why you should use Quora:1. Brand Awareness There is no doubt Quora is an excellent platform for brand awareness since thousands of people can see your answers. If you are running a new startup that sells a productivity tool for entrepreneursand don't have the capital for marketing, then you could use Quora to market your product or blog at no extra cost simply by answeringquestions. Really what it boils down to is spending the time rather than the dollars to achieve this brand awareness. If you spend 30 minutes a day to write one answer per day, you will quickly see things stack up in your favor. Now imagine doing that for2 years.Einstein calls it the eighth wonder of the world. Of course, consistency is the key to success when it comes to Quora. After your years of hard work, your brand will be more visible to people who will love to buy your services and products. 2. Traffic Traffic is the backbone of this strategy. You have to think outside the box anduse smart tactics that generate traffic to your Quora answers.Do the following when answering questions on Quora:
This is crucial since most users read the title first. It gives you instant brand awareness. Additionally, people are skeptical about reading answers from anyone other than a subject matter expert. Including a website domain name in the title helps build credibility. Another example is including your job role in the title. If a person has mentioned in the title that they are an electrical engineer and has written an answer about SEO, nobody will take their advice seriously. That iswhy you should include as much key information in the title as possible. Give users a reason to trust you and to visit your site (same as howEdward Lichstein has done). Keep in mind that the link is not clickable; it is just there so that people can see it. Of course, your domain name matters too. It should be short, professional, easy to pronounceand give a sense of credibility.
The best tip to success in the online world is to think like a customer. Think about who will click on your profile link? The ones who get impressed by your answers and want to know more about you. But why would they visit your site? Because human beings are curious. When people start liking you, they start following you and start reading your future answers. That is why you should make a little extra effort to make your bio appealing and includea CTA that compels users to visit your site. You can alsopresent other options, likejoining your secret weekly newsletter.
To get users to click on your link to your site, you need to write theperfect answer. Here, copywriting skills are the key to success. Did you see what I did there? Instead of explaining which copywriting skills you need to write successful answers, I simply linked to a post that dived into the nitty-gritty. It practically forces you to click through. That being said, you should definitely readthe copywriting skills post; I am not kidding;it ischock-full of actionable advice. So do the exact same thing when writing your answer on Quora. If you are a beginner and feeling a bit lost, try spending a week on Quora researching answers which have been liked the most (identify which characteristics help them go viral). There are two ways you can drive traffic to your site with Quora answers:
Later I will explain in more detailhow to write better. 3. Getting Emerging Content Ideas Millions of Quora usersask thousands of questions every day. When you use Quora regularly, you get content ideas inyour Quora timeline that weren't possible otherwise. People ask questions that you cannot easilyfind on the internet. This is because every day, we face unique problems;unique problems that need unique solutions. For example, each new releaseof the iPhone comes with aslew of new user experiences and functionality. People immediately start asking questions about how to do certain things with the new phone. That is wherethe subject matter experts (that have already figured out the answers) come in and share their experience. They get large amounts of traffic from search engines because they are the first to see and respond to these questions. Pro Tip: Type partial questions or your keyword in theQuora search box, you will find questions that could be effective for your content ideas and marketing. Also, you can use Quora filters too.Be the first to find a question that would be worth writing an answer to attract users.
Here you can see the comments of Adepetun Kenny, who is thankingHector for his answer. When you start getting such comments, it is safe to say you have gained your audience's trust. Be sure to write effective answers which can help you gain credibility and trust in the future. |
What is the importance of listening to the lives of humans Quora?
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