Which type of listener listens to establish bonds with and empathy for others?

This Article Contains:

• What Is Empathic Listening? 2 Examples
• The 4 Stages of Empathic Listening
• Empathic Listening vs Active Listening
• Carl Rogers’s Take on Empathic Listening
• How to Improve Your Empathic Listening Skills
• 7 Techniques and Tips for Counselors
• 19 Examples of Questions to Ask Your Clients
• Best Exercises, Activities, and Games
• Most Fascinating Books on the Topic
• Resources From PositivePsychology.com
• A Take-Home Message
• References

What Is Empathic Listening? 2 Examples

Stephen R. Covey (2020, p. 277), author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, summarizes the heart of empathic listening: “Seek first to understand.” Covey calls this a deep paradigm shift, as most people force their own perspective before attempting to listen.

Covey believes empathic listening begins with the type of character trait that inspires the speaker to open up and trust the listener. Humility, for instance, is a character trait that instills trust. Covey talks about building an emotional bank account with the person before they’re willing to trust. The same concept in restorative justice is known as social capital.

Covey believes we typically listen at one of four levels:

1. Ignoring the other person
2. Pretending to listen
3. Selective listening
4. Attentive listening

Covey states there’s a fifth level of listening:

1. Empathic listening

Empathic listening seeks to get inside the other person’s perspective and see the world the way they do. This skill requires the listener to use their eyes, ears, and heart to listen.

Parenting as an example

Being a parent can be an optimal opportunity for empathic listening.

Child: “I don’t like soccer anymore. The coach confuses me and the team sucks.”

The parent might typically refute the child’s assertion. But a different response might be:

Parent: “Sounds like you’re frustrated with your soccer team.”

Coworkers as an example

The workplace is also filled with opportunities for empathic listening. Imagine your coworker comes into your office with a complaint.

Coworker: “Hal (supervisor) is an idiot. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, and he gives me horrible assignments.”

Listener: “Sounds like you’re irritated with Hal and work right now.”

In both instances, the listener doesn’t negate or judge the speaker. They let the speaker know they heard what was said and captured the emotions.

Why is listening so important in life and at work?

Listening is a key component of effectivecommunication skills.

Without listening, you can’t understand what other people are really trying to say. It’s easy to get something wrong and make assumptions.

On the other hand, when you actively listen, you can fully communicate with someone else.

Listening is the most important part of communication. That’s because it allows you to come up with a substantial and meaningful response. You can pick up on subtleties you wouldn’t have otherwise,especially with body language.

If something isn’t clear, you can ask clarifying questions. This is something you might not have done without active listening.

At work, communication is an important soft skill. According to LinkedIn's 2019 Global Talent Trends report, 80% of companies say that soft skills are increasingly important to their success.

Listening is also important forproductive collaboration.

According to the same LinkedIn report, collaboration is the third most important soft skill companies need.

Imagine trying to collaborate if you can’t actively listen to your colleagues. Information gets lost, and misunderstandings occur.

The same can happen if everyone on the team uses different levels of listening. Some people will be more engaged than others. Not everyone will get the same understanding of the same conversation.

You can avoid this if everyone actively listens to each other.

Plus, when you actively listen, your colleagues and your superiors will notice that you come up with meaningful responses.

Listening is also crucial if you want to learn effectively.

Without attentive listening, it can be easy to miss small details that make a difference in your learning.

Active listening games

You can improve team communication with active listening games.

In one such game, you and your colleagues can split up into groups of two. The first person in each group is given a picture, while the other person is given a pen and paper.

The second participant needs to ask questions in order to accurately draw the image the first participant is holding.

In another game, participants need to mime non-verbal cues to express their feelings about a topic. The other participants need to write down what they believe the other person feels.

Finally, you can practice active listening by having all participants listen to one person speak for three to five minutes. During this time, no other participants may speak. Afterwards, the other participants need to paraphrase what they think the other person said.

What is Empathetic Listening?

Empathetic listening - why is this even important? First of all, think about who you listen to? Who do you respect? When their mouth opens, do you pay attention? Do they have expertise? Do they have influence and power?

If you want people to listen to your message, it's important that you have the ability to empathetically listen to other people's messages. If you dish it out, you have to take it too. So how do we do this? How can we be powerful listeners in a way that is going to increase our influence as a leader and increase the health of our organization? Let’s talk about a few empathetic listening skills.

One thing to remember is that listening is a mindfulness practice. It's an inside game. So for example, if we're listening to someone, often what happens is we have a natural desire to want to fix or advise and tell them how we have a similar experience because we to form a bond. Doing this actually makes it less about the person and more about me.

If my job as a leader is to empower other people and I give them a solution, who has the power now?

I do.

I want to empower others. I don't want to steal the show.

If I have an idea or I have a fix or a solution to someone's problem, who has the power? Who gets the pat on the back? Is that the kind of organization I want to create? It’s so important that we give people space and hold that space in ways that allow them to tap their own wisdom. They can find their own solutions, but it often means waiting.

Ask yourself, why am I talking? Can I create asilent space of support for them to get out what's really going on? Can I empty my mind of my opinions and advice? Unless they're asking for advice, just listen to what matters to them. Reflect back to them what you’re hearing.

This simple skill of just holding space and reflecting back your understanding can empower a person to find their own solutions. Often we see ourselves as problem solvers, as advice givers, as troubleshooters, and that can be dangerous. If we get too sucked into that role, that actually prevents us from thinking outside the box.

As a former engineer, a common challenge faced is getting engineers to think out of the box. How do we get creative solutions? How do we get collaborative solutions? As long as we're wearing our analytical hats, we are in the side of our brain that does not like to play well with others. It goes into detail instead of expanding possibilities.