Look beyond the obvious and think sweet, not just racy.
Medically Reviewed by Charles E. Jennings, MD on August 29, 2011
What's the best way to get your man in the mood? You won't find the answer in the Victoria's Secret catalog. Sure, sheer lingerie and scantily clad models will do on most days. But there are a lot of sweeter, PG-rated, and not so obvious turn-ons that also work, especially if you are in a relationship that has a future beyond that first night together. As a younger man, Richard, a professor at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville who asked that his full name not be used, went for the sexy, racy look with lots of skin. Now 40, he and his wife recently celebrated their 10th anniversary. His tastes have matured, mellowed. “We have children, so there isn't a lot of turning on,” Richard jokes. “Actually, my turn-ons are a lot more pedestrian these days. Just getting to spend time alone together is a turn-on.” Richard and his wife try to have a date night every week: dinner and a movie and holding hands. “It's the intimacy, period,” Richard says. “Cuddling has become more precious.” After a moment's prodding, an admission: “I am into shoes, high heels. But it's a minor turn-on. I don't put them on. Let's just be clear about that.” Minus the shoes, John Horner, 53, finds himself turned on in much the same way. Married for 25 years, the Richmond, Va., drafter puts emotional closeness and intimacy far above the sexual. “Early on, it was the physicality, the clothes, that turned me on," Horner says. "Now, just sitting near my wife while we read is a turn-on. There's an emotional depth there.” Neither man's wants are unusual.
“Men want more affection as they get older,” says Irvine, Calif.-based sex therapist Stephanie Buehler, PhD. “When they're younger, they can dispense with that and get right down to it. But especially in their 40s, 50s, 60s, things don't happen as automatically. They need more time warming up.”
What will warm your guy up? Whatever it is, don't expect him to tell you, Buehler says.
“Men rarely ask for what they want,” she says. “A lot of men don't like asking for small signs of affection, but they like getting them.”
She says her husband is a perfect example. He likes to be hugged firm and close. Easy enough. The only problem was he never said anything about that until recently. “These things are easy to fulfill, but a man has to ask,” Buehler says. And if he doesn't ask? Buehler advises making the first move. “Ask him to kiss you, or just go up to him and give him a real kiss, not a peck. Taking the initiative is a turn-on.” Not all men are too shy to say what they want. Jeffrey Kelly, a bartender and student in Portland, Ore., is up front about what turns him on. “I like being able to be gentlemanly,” says Kelly, 26. “I like opening doors for a woman, paying for dinner, being romantic in an old-school sense. Everyone is so independent these days, and that's awesome, but sometimes I don't want to go Dutch. It's as much for me as it is for her.” Men like to be put first sometimes as well, Buehler says. That can be hard when kids are in the picture, but making that effort every once in a while can pay off romantically. “Ask him, 'Can I put you first this weekend?'” Buehler says. She also recommends keeping in mind that men are, above all, very visual. So boost your intimacy in general -- from how you relate to physical closeness -- but don’t overlook the obvious: Although men like sweet and subtle turn-ons, they also want to see a little skin.
Women often wonder what turns men on, because they want to be seen as attractive and appealing. A woman who is looking to connect with a man may consider things that turn guys on in bed, as well as more specific factors, like words that turn guys on. This is because many women just want one man to desire them and shower them with love and affection. If this sounds like you, read on for a long list of turn ons for guys, so you can make him crazy for you.
Top 30 Turn Ons for Guys
If you’re trying to attract the attention of a guy, or just trying to keep the spark alive in a long term relationship, you probably want to know what turns guys on the most. Whether you’re going after the guy of your dreams or simply trying to drive your boyfriend or husband wild, the following list can provide some insight into the biggest turn on for guys.
Consider the following 30 turn ons for men:
- Initiate sex. One of the biggest sexual turn ons for a man is having a woman in his life who initiates sex. Perhaps you always wait for him to make the first move, thinking that since men are perceived as being sexually ravenous, he will always go after what he wants. While men may be more likely to initiate sex, this doesn’t mean they don’t want a woman to make the first move. In fact, men want to feel sexually desired, so it will make him want you even more if you initiate a sexual encounter from time-to-time.
- Change up your look. Novelty is one of the key pieces of what turns men on, so if you have always had the same hairstyle, or always dress the same way, treat yourself to a trip to the salon or a shopping spree. Trying a new hair color or wearing a style of clothing that is out of the ordinary for you will attract his attention and keep him excited.
- Cuddling. You may be surprised to know that men enjoy connecting in the form of cuddling. In fact, snuggling up together can create feelings of intimacy and strengthen your bond. This is especially true if your partner’s love language is physical touch. Research actually suggests that a brain chemical called oxytocin makes our partner’s touch very rewarding, so go ahead and snuggle up on the couch or reach for his hand when you’re walking together.
Also Try: What Does Your Cuddle Style Say About You Quiz
- Show a little skin. While it may seem obvious, sometimes we need a reminder that men are visual creatures. One of the key ways to turn on a guy is to show a little skin. When the two of you meet for dinner, wear a lower cut v-neck top, or consider showing off your legs in a dress. He will appreciate the show.
- Prioritize him. When we think of traditional gender norms, we probably imagine a man who treats his wife or girlfriend to dinner or goes out of his way to make her happy. We might also picture a family man, who puts his wife and children first and sacrifices his own desires for the sake of the family. While it is certainly nice to be spoiled and cared for by your man, sometimes he wants to be spoiled too. Be intentional about prioritizing his needs from time to time, such as by asking him what he’d like to do during the weekend, or what project around the house he’d like to attack first.
- Share your fantasies. Men want to hear about your sexual fantasies, and sharing them is one of the things that turn guys on over text. When you’re both on your lunch break at work, shoot him a text sharing something that you’ve always wanted to try sexually. This will turn him on immediately, leading him to crave you in bed, and he will probably spend the rest of the day thinking about you.
- Lock eyes with him. Eye contact is also on the list of ways to turn a man on. When you look at him eye-to-eye, he can tell that you desire him, and this turns him on even more. The next time you’re in the mood, consider looking him in the eye and holding his gaze. He’ll get the picture.
- Be willing to give and receive oral sex. If you’ve spent any time in a relationship with a man, you probably know that he enjoys it when you go down on him. You may also be surprised to learn that he enjoys going down on you just as much. This means that if you want to know sexual turn ons, oral sex will need to be part of the equation. In addition to surprising him with a blow job while he’s watching TV, invite him to practice oral sex on you. A recent study found that the majority of men find receiving oral sex to be “very pleasurable,” and men were significantly more likely than women were to say that they find giving oral sex to be “very pleasurable.”
- Take a trip down memory lane together. You may not realize it, but men can be quite sentimental. This means that on the list of things that turn on men is looking at old photos together. Grab your wedding photo album or browse through your vacation album on your phone, and you will find that your partner’s attraction for you grows as he thinks of fun times you’ve spent together in the past.
- Give him a back rub. Men need stress relief, and being a source of calmness in his life will turn him on. Offer him a back rub or a foot massage after a long day at work. This doesn’t necessarily always have to lead to sex, but it can get him in the mood. If sex isn’t on the table at that particular time, he will appreciate you putting forth the effort to make him feel good.
- Build up the anticipation. If you only have a few minutes before heading out the door to work or taking the kids to practice, build up some anticipation for later in the day with a quick makeout session. This is one of the surefire ways to turn a man on. A quick taste of what’s to come later will have him begging for more.
- Send a message to let him know that you’re thinking of him. If you have to be apart, you can always send him a text message that lets him know you enjoyed spending time with him last night, or that you look forward to future time together. You may even get specific, by sending a message like, “Remember when you did X, Y, or Z in bed last night? I really enjoyed that.” This will keep you on his mind, even when you can’t see each other.
- Do something competitive together. Men enjoy a good challenge, and he will surely be turned on if you invite him to compete. Whether it’s a board game or some sort of fitness challenge, competition is a good way to connect with him. Your competitive nature will make you appear more attractive to him, and the thrill of the competition can arouse him.
- Be confident in yourself. Men don’t expect perfection, but they do expect you to be confident in yourself. Instead of making demeaning comments about your body, show some self-confidence. Embrace your imperfections, and don’t be ashamed to show off your body during sex with him. Self-confidence is perhaps the biggest sexual turn on for men, because if you believe you’re sexy, he’ll find you to be sexy, too.
- Embrace dirty talk. You don’t have to be an expert at dirty talk, but words that turn guys on typically involve some sort of sexual discussion. Start by telling him what you like in bed, and give him specific directions for what to do during sex. You don’t have to be totally raunchy or trashy with dirty talk; simply expressing your pleasure to him and telling him how much you are enjoying sex with him will do the trick.
- Be open to new experiences. We’ve already mentioned that men like novelty, and this includes in the bedroom. If he wants to explore something new with you sexually, be open to the idea, even if it doesn’t initially excite you. Of course, this doesn’t mean giving into something that you’re entirely opposed to, but at least be open to trying something different with him. He’ll appreciate the effort, because sexual excitement is undeniably what turns men on.
- Be the lady in red. If you want to catch his attention, wearing a red dress might just do the trick. We tend to associate red with romance and attraction, and it seems to be for a good reason. A recent review of multiple studies found that men do tend to be more attracted to women in red. The effects are small, but you might be able to subtly turn him on by dressing in red, especially if you feel confident in what you’re wearing.
- Get excited about sex. Men can tell if you’re just going through the motions with sex, and it won’t make them feel very good about themselves. That being said, one of the best things to do to turn him on is to get excited about sex. If you act like it’s a chore, it will be a huge turn off for him. Consider doing something that gets you in the mood for sex, such as taking a warm bath, getting some exercise, or rubbing lotion on your body, so you’ll be enthusiastic about it.
- Don’t be silent during sex. Another sexual turn on for men is making a little bit of noise. You don’t have to scream at the top of your lungs, but moaning or uttering a phrase like, “Yes, please” will make him desire you even more. Go with the flow and let the words come naturally, but don’t lay silently as he does all the work.
- Have some deep conversations. If you want to know what turns men on, it’s important to understand that most men appreciate a woman who can have more than just a surface-level conversation with them. This means that you’ll be doing more than just talking about your day or sharing the latest town gossip. Engage him in a conversation about your deepest hopes and desires, or talk about your intellectual interests, and he’ll want to keep coming back for more.
- Dress in a way that makes you feel confident. You know that little black dress that makes you feel like a supermodel? Or that lingerie set that makes you want to strut your stuff? Don’t be afraid to show them off. When you dress in a way that makes you feel confident, it shows, and your man will be more attracted to you in turn.
- Connect on an intimate level before you say goodbye, and when you reunite. Life is busy, but pausing for thirty seconds for a long hug or a deep kiss before he heads out the door and when he returns again is an easy way to turn on a guy. That lingering hug or kiss will probably be on his mind for most of the day.
- Take control from time-to-time. Just as men like when you initiate sex, they will also be turned on if you take control once in a while. You may be used to him calling the shots in the bedroom, but it will be a nice change of pace, and show just how confident you are, if you take the dominant role.
- But let him take control sometimes. While he will be turned on by you taking control from time-to-time, he will also enjoy taking the lead on sex. Text him and tell him you’d like to let him have his way with you tonight, and he won’t be able to stop thinking of you, because assuming the alpha role during sex can be what turns some men on the most.
- Put in some effort. You don’t have to look like a glamour model all the time, but a guy will appreciate it if you make the effort to get dressed up for him on your date nights or for special occasions. Spend a little extra time doing your hair or makeup; it doesn’t matter exactly how you look. What matters most to him is that you took the time to look your best for him.
Also Try: Does He Love Me?
- Use sex toys. Sex toys are among the top sexual turn ons for guys, as they add spice to your sex life. If you want to know what turns guys on the most, you may benefit from taking your man to a sex shop and exploring sex toys together. He will be turned on by your adventurous nature and willingness to try something new.
- Shower together. Men are sure to enjoy shower sex, so if you’re wanting to try something new or even initiate sex for the first time in a while, surprise him in the shower. He will appreciate the spontaneity, and it will be hard for him to turn you down when you’re naked together
- Let him know when you’re turned on. Men want you to desire them, so they’ll be more turned on if they know you’re turned on. Let him know when you’re in the mood, even if it’s a time when you’re apart. Send a quick text to let him know you’re craving him.
- Compliment him. Men like to know they look nice, too. Tell him when he looks particularly sexy in his jeans, or when you like how he’s dressed himself for work. Not only will this turn him on; he’ll also be more likely to pay you some compliments in return. Everyone wins!
Conclusion
Learning what turns men on can help you to spice up your relationship and keep the spark alive. If you’re in the dating scene or the early stages of a relationship, knowing things to do to turn him on will keep you on his mind, so he can’t help but fall in love with you. Apply these tips to turn a guy on, and you’re likely to find that he can’t resist you, and he’ll probably brag to his friends about how lucky he is.
//onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/hbm.23679//www.utpjournals.press/doi/abs/10.3138/cjhs.251-A2//journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704918802412
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