Masturbation is a natural activity that many people enjoy. It can help people discover their sexual preferences, learn about their body, and provide themselves with pleasure.
Some people may have heard that masturbating before sex can desensitize the penis and make males “last longer.” However, there is no scientific proof of this.
It may work for some people, however, and there are plenty of anecdotal claims to support this.
Masturbating before sex can also be enjoyable foreplay. It may help a person become both physically and mentally turned on before sex. Some people believe that masturbating with another person can help them feel more open and connected to their partner.
In this article, learn about the benefits of masturbating before sex for males and females, as well as some of the things to be aware of.
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Many males choose to masturbate before sex because they feel that it can help prolong the duration of sex. However, there are some things to consider.
Sexual dysfunctions
Sexual dysfunctions are common among males.
As a study in the journal Fertility and Sterility notes, ejaculatory dysfunctions are one of the most common types of sexual dysfunction. These types of dysfunctions include premature ejaculation, no ejaculation, or other problems surrounding ejaculation and orgasm.
Many people are familiar with the claim that masturbating before sex can help a male “last longer” during the act of sexual intercourse itself.
There may be a few reasons for this. Much of the issue may be psychological. For example, a person may feel pent up or have unreleased sexual tension. This may cause them to have hurried sex, wherein the person may focus on releasing this tension in the form of an orgasm.
By masturbating beforehand, the person can release that built up sexual energy and then feel that they can focus more on enjoying the entire sexual act, rather than just the orgasm.
Refractory period
A phenomenon called the refractory period may help support this idea. The refractory period is the recovery time a person has to go through after an orgasm before they can orgasm again.
Following an orgasm, males usually cannot have another orgasm right away. Their penis will become flaccid and lose its ability to stay erect. The penis can also be very sensitive to touch after orgasm, causing pain and throbbing if the person or their partner continues with stimulation.
As a study in the journal BJU Internationalnotes, this is partly because the body releases more of the hormone prolactin after orgasm. This hormone seems to block off the sexual pleasure a person can feel during the refractory period.
Because of this, some people think that masturbation can desensitize them to the pleasure of sexual intercourse.
In reality, the refractory period is typically short — though it can vary. As the International Society for Sexual Medicine note, the refractory period of younger males is usually only a few minutes. However, older men may need 12–24 hours to recover. After this, they can achieve erections and have orgasms again.
Everyone is different. Some males do feel that it is harder to have a second orgasm than the first one, and they may last much longer during sex because of this.
For older males who experience refractory periods that last hours, masturbating before sex may help prevent them from having an orgasm during sexual intercourse. This may allow them to enjoy much longer periods of sexual intercourse.
This may make masturbating before sex beneficial for some males who tend to experience early ejaculation.
Other issues
For males who experience softer erections or who find it difficult to achieve an erection, masturbating before sex may make it even more challenging to get a second erection in time for intercourse.
People who find it difficult to get or maintain an erection may want to avoid masturbating before sex.
Masturbating before sex may also be a good way for females to reduce tension and find release before the act of sex.
Some females also experience a refractory period after orgasm. However, females have a slightly different experience to males.
Most males can only have one orgasm before their refractory period, and they experience a long refractory period.
Females, on the other hand, tend to experience much shorter refractory periods. During these short phases, the vagina and clitoris may still be very sensitive, and the person may not enjoy stimulation.
However, this phase tends to end quickly. This is why it is not uncommon for females to experience multiple orgasms per sexual encounter.
Some may experience a longer refractory period than others, and they may feel less sexual desire during this time. In these cases, masturbating before sex may not be a good idea, as it may reduce how much a person wants to have sex.
Masturbating before sex does have some additional benefits for both males and females, though each person may experience them in different way.
We cover some of these benefits in the sections below:
Stress or tension relief
Pleasuring oneself before a sexual encounter may help reduce stress, as the brain releases feel-good endorphins after orgasm. This may be helpful for people who are nervous around their partner or who experience sex anxiety.
Masturbating before sex may also help remove any tension from the situation, as a person no longer feels that they have to orgasm to enjoy themselves sexually.
This may be beneficial for both partners, as the sex may become more about the act itself rather than simply orgasm.
Comfort and avoiding premature ejaculation
In males who experience premature ejaculation, masturbation before sex may help them last longer, as it may take them longer to reach their second orgasm. This is not a guarantee, however.
Those who masturbate before sex may also feel greater relaxation and less tension about the act of sex itself.
For females, the vagina may also be more lubricated following sufficient arousal, making sex a more enjoyable experience.
Intimacy and achieving orgasm
Masturbating before sexual intercourse may also help some people achieve orgasm.
People who find it difficult to climax from sexual stimulation may find that masturbation warms them up to sexual intercourse. This may make it more enjoyable or make it easier for them to orgasm.
Masturbating with a partner before sex can also bring two people closer together.
For many people, masturbation is something done alone. However, masturbating with a partner is very intimate, and it allows each person to understand what stimulates their partner.
Although there is no scientific evidence to prove that masturbation before sex will make a person last longer in bed, it may work for some people.
Masturbation before sex also has other benefits, such as reducing stress and sexual tension. Doing it with a partner can also be a form of foreplay.
At the same time, it may not be a good idea for males who experience erectile dysfunction, as it may make achieving and maintaining a strong erection more difficult.
The best way to find out the benefits of masturbating before sex is to try it. Everyone’s sexual needs are different. Learning how to explore these sexual needs both alone and with a partner may help lead to a more enriching sexual experience.
Many parents are alarmed to find their young child engaged in genital stimulation. It can feel as though part of the child’s innocence is lost. However, in young children, genital stimulation is not associated with sexual activity. Genital stimulation can take the form of rubbing with hands or rubbing against other objects such as a pillow, stuffed animal or the bed. Exploring his or her genitals provides a feeling of pleasure, that once discovered, the child will most likely repeat.
Children should never be punished or shamed for playing with their genitals, as this can have major effects on their self-esteem and comfort with sexual activity as adults.
At what age is masturbation normal?
Babies often tug on their genitals, just as they tug on their toes or ears.
Boys often find their penises accidentally, possibly during a diaper change around six to seven months of age and become curious (just like their fascination with other parts of their bodies, such as fingers, toes and ears).
Girls often don’t discover their vulva (female external genitalia) until about ten to eleven months of age.
Potty training can be another time when there is curiosity about the genital area. Boys will play with their penises. Girls may even insert things into their vaginas.
How common is masturbation in children?
Most children—both boys and girls—play with their external sex organs or “private parts” fairly regularly by the age of 5-6 years. By age 15, almost 100% of boys and 25% of girls have masturbated to the point of orgasm.
Again, it is important to remember that children do not generally associate this activity with sexuality or adult relationships until closer to puberty. Genital play is often used simply as a form of self-comfort.
Should I be alarmed by my child’s masturbation?
Most often, genital stimulation is a normal part of childhood development. There are some cases, however, when it may be a signal for something more concerning. In these cases, you should discuss your concerns with your pediatrician:
- If the child seems to have an early understanding of the two-sidedness of the sex act.
- If the activity becomes compulsive and interferes with other normal activities or the child cannot be distracted easily from the genital stimulation.
- If the child simulates intercourse with another child.
- If any penetration with another child is involved.
- If the activity is intrusive or painful for the child.
- If the activity increases much above the original level, indicating the child is stressed about something and is trying to comfort themselves.
- If there is mouth to genital contact between your child and another child.
- If you feel your child is particularly unhappy or sad.
- If it seems to be accompanied by trauma to the area from scratching or rubbing.
If genital play becomes a time consuming activity for your child, look for possible underlying reasons. Is your child stressed and in extra need of comfort? Or are they stressed and need time to be calm? Is your child bored? Is the behavior being reinforced by adults over-reacting to activity? If any of these seem to be the case, the underlying reason should be addressed.
Playing with genitals in public
Toddlers and preschoolers do not really understand the social implications of genital stimulation, because, as noted earlier, they don’t associate it with private behaviors that occur between adults. To them, it may be no different than playing with their ears, twirling their hair or picking their nose. Don't make a big deal out of it. Children enjoy attention of any sort, whether it is negative or positive. If you make genital stimulation into a big deal, you could end up reinforcing the behavior and actually see more of it. Here are some positive ways for parents to keep their kids from playing with genitals in public:
- Set limits: explain to your child that it is a private activity, much like toileting, and should be limited to the bedroom or bathroom.
- Distraction: try to get your child interested in another activity with their hands.
- Send toddlers to their room to play with genitals if they can’t be distracted from it.
- Increase the amount of hugging, cuddling and parental affection you show to your child.
- Give your child a security object (teddy bear, doll, blanket) to take in public, since they may be using genital play to comfort themselves in an unfamiliar situation.
- For children with developmental delay or other mental impairments who may not be as receptive to reasoning, positive reinforcement techniques may be helpful (for example, reward them for not playing with their genitals with special treats).
Additional resources:
- Amaze.org/jr – this site has animated videos to help guide discussions with your children about sexual health
Suggested reading:
- What’s the Big Secret? by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown
- From Diapers to Dating: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children by Debra W. Haffner
Reviewed by Sara Laule, MD Updated November 2020